A Preview?

This weekend was well fun. I hung with HR2 and we watched every British TV show imaginable. I have to say I still prefer American TV by Far! By way way way FAR in fact. The only British shows I've seem to like are "Coupling" "Extras" "Cranford" and most documentaries and well I think that about covers it. I really did want to like them - I promise! But you can't force these things I suppose.

My way to HR2 began Saturday, which was beautiful out! It immediately lifted my spirits to see spring has really sprung. A small preview of summer, it seemed to only last until early afternoon. But I'll take what I can get.

At the bus I tapped my card to the machine and it blinked NO MONEY! I gave a big sigh and wandered off looking scared and desperate. Everyone else got on and then the Bus Driver said "Hey" So I turned to him with big puppy dog eyes and he nodded for me to enter. "Oh thank you! Thank you!" I beamed and headed upstairs to take a seat. Sucker! I thought as I put my book bag down on the seat next to me so I could have it all to myself.

I hopped off at the Angel Station where I tapped my card to the machine again, this time to collect the money I had topped it off with online. Stupid system if you ask me. (Which no one clearly did.) You can add money to a card online but you have to go to the station you "nominate" and touch your card there for the money to be put on all the way. So why go online to put money on it at all - If you still have to go to the station to really do it? Not very bright, is it?

Any who! I made my way to the South Side. Our first order of business was to have a drink at a pub to celebrate the warmth. Then our marathon of viewing began back at her flat. I think I blocked out all the bad shows by now, honestly. (Run down: The Bill, East Enders, Neighbors, Holly Oaks, Casualties, Doctors, and a million more "village feel good shows and soaps".) We watched until past midnight when we realized just what time it was! So we headed over to another pub where her roommate was DJ'ing. There were like three people having separate birthday parties there so it felt like we were crashing something.

By the time we got there everyone was pissed drunk. They were so drunk they all danced in the strangest way, as if someone broke their legs. They all moved to one side, butt shaking, and bobbing their head up and down. This one clown was making a big show of his dance skills, in his mind he was doing these amazing moves but in reality he just looked like a wanker with two left feet. He kept trying to get this one girl to dance with him but she kept spinning away. I was getting annoyed because no matter where I moved too he was still bumping into me. Making his circle larger and larger. There was also this little drunk man who had his hand in his sleeve and his knees bent. At first I thought maybe he was retarded, but it would seem only socially because he too was on the lady attack with very little success. When I saw him eye us I quickly moved out of his path.

After a bit of people watching some tall bloke began to talk in HR2's ear. She told me after that he said "Why are you still here? You look like you are waiting for a bomb to go off." She just shrugged and turned the other way. Unsure of how he even got close enough to talk to her. Soon he got the hint and headed out with some blonde. After a bit of this and two horribly made drinks we left back to watch more TV.

I crashed at her place since the trains stop at like midnight. Then Sunday morning I headed back to the dorms. On the train this woman walks up to me, baby in hand and thrusts a paper cup in my face for money. I gave her a dirty look and went about my reading. I was the only person she did this too. She then angerly sat down, glaring at me. After a moment I thought maybe, just maybe I was supposed to give her the .90 pents I didn't have to give to the bus when the driver let me ride it for free? You know that whole thing of passing it forward? But then I thought 'fuck that bitch.' Why does she have a kid if she's so poor? Why not sell it to Angelina or Madonna and be done with it? It's not my fault your poor. But don't ask me lady. I've got a 20,000 dollar loan to pay off come August, out of work for a year and I still have $10,000 more to find for next years tuition. I'm the last person on that train to be shoving your ripped paper cup at!

So I didn't giver her the change. It's not like I'm going to sit there open up my wallet and fiddle for something. She was so rude I bet had I done it and gave her something she would have continued to jingle the cup until my wallet was empty. (I think I actually had 5 pounds on me. Which is more then I usually have.)

After that nothing to exciting happened. Just came back to the dorm where I couldn't be creative. I have this opportunity (with my school) to write a short film for an acting class that will be filmed next year and screened in front of industry types but I'm blank. For the first time I got nothing. No idea what to write. Nothing to say. Nothing I want to say. Which isn't good. because if I want to work in this business when some one gives you some guidelines and says okay now write me something I should be able to do it. But feel I've spent the last five months in the world of theater and playwriting that I can't get my head back around film. Frustrated with my lack of want and creativity I feel asleep which lead to my freaky dreams from before.

His Magesty Lear and I

So I spent my alone day with London at The Globe Theater with King Lear and his daughters. His youngest seemed nice enough but something about those other two, I don't know. Can't quite put my finger on it. All I know is I wouldn't trust them with a pot of dirt let alone my kingdom. But as a guest it wasn't my place to say anything.

I was surprised to see I wasn't the only lone 20 something year old in for a day at the globe. This was a 3 hour and 20 min show smack in the middle of Friday afternoon. So I debated whether or not I should pay the 5 pounds to stand or the 33 pounds to sit. Well, I thought to myself this is my first Globe experience and it may just be part of my thesis research paper for my masters as well, so why not (even though I'm broke) shell out the money to enjoy it with good seats, so if I need too I can scribble notes easier as well. And just like that the guilt for spending all 25 pounds more vanished. It turned out to be a smart move because no one came to sit next to me on one side so I scooted down and had space on my (bench )seat to spread out. (Note: I took the pictures shown here from my seat.)

It seemed like the Theater Gods had a strange sense of humour that Friday afternoon at the Globe because the weirdest thing happened. Just when the storm began in the show, when Lear wanders around, banished by his daughters, half crazy and the extra actors bounce around in the audience with their rain sticks and the band in the balcony beats their thunder screen, is when the real heavens began to open wide and took a whiz on all the groundlings!

As the Globe theater, based on the original theater Shakespeare worked in, is out doors - in a sense - there is only a roof over the audience in the stands and the stage - not in the center where the groundlings stand. So they all got drenched. I remained happily dry. But the expressions on people's faces when they realised the weather was mimicking the play was priceless because when the rain in the show stopped so too did the real rain outside.

Then another strange happening accrued. When one of the daughters and her husband pulled out the eyes of Gloucester did a young woman, in the audience, one of the groundlings begin to cry. She was ushered out by a Stewart in the exact same manner as the now blind Gloucester was by the Dukes servant. This was happening at the same time. Very strange.

But after the show, which I thoroughly enjoyed, and I don't think it's because I'm a theater geek, okay maybe, but because they put on a really good show, and well why wouldn't they? They are the Globe for crying out loud! But the one thing I was annoyed at was the school kids sitting by me. A group of like eight of them were so annoying through out the whole show I found it hard to concentrate. (That and I forgot my glasses) But at the end they gave the actors a standing O! They applauded their hearts out. Why is it school kids give the most trouble during a performance but always seem to give the best applause at the end?? (I've notice this in other shows as well.)

But I tried not to let their comments and giggles bother me. I swear they were watching Ricki or Maury the way they reacted! Well maybe that's not too far off than it you think about it. I'm just saying they should have been in the standing section not in the seats. Wow Hollie elitist much? Guess I'm headed in that direction. Which is funny because they probably had more money in their pockets than me.

Dream A Little Dream For Me

5:30 am. I've had strange dream after strange dream. One more vivid than the next.

It began like this - I was at the counter in the kitchen of the house I grew up in. (A blue counter) A box of medicine had come in the mail for me. It was sitting there but I couldn't figure out what it was for. A TV appears in the living room (where it used to be in this house) and a commercial for the medicine comes on but it's also vague. All I remember are "eye crusts" and bad graphics. The people with me are my Aunt J ( but only her voice) and these two guys who were meant to be my step dads kids, but I've never seen them before. We talked in circles while I began to snap my fingers on my left hand right off. I kept remarking to them that my medicine box told me to eat my fingers and then bandage them up. But after I snapped them off they would still be there. Only they'd hurt and the discarded finger was dangling on the palm side of my hand. I swallowed it and bandage my finger up. Then I'd continue to snap and bandage the same finger. It was either my ring or middle finger. Then at one point I bandaged them both. But I didn't eat any more of them. I put the medicine box in the cabinet for later.

At another point I was in a play. A play that seemed to be done on the right side of my brain. It was a naturalistic play. The stage was the floor and the audience sat on risers. At one point I was to grab the audience and try and put them in the prop bag but the gag was they would run away to the next set. Then I'd bring the props back on the stage and the next play, at a table with three other people, began. The covering was a shack, almost. Or a barn. The prop bag was blue. It held toys I used to play with in the bath as a kid, Naked plastic dolls, bottles and sponges. Weird things I guess when you think about it.

There were even stranger bits that happened in between but I know your reading this dad, so I'll spare you. My point is I've developed this pattern of sleep. At six pm I begin to get ridiculously tired. Then I wake up at 9pm and fall back to sleep around 2am. But then I wake up every two hours and I force myself to go back to sleep so I can wake in the morning like a normal person. But that's when the dreams happen, when I force myself to go back to sleep. One stranger and louder than the next. Yelling out at me. Screaming at me. When I wake up it's quite and I think was their music playing my dream?

When I woke up it was because I blew up the barn theater in my head, so I could see the sky. My dreaming self who was on the stage just smiled up at the night sky. (Actually I think dawn was breaking)

So I got out of bed, bewildered and began searching online for a meaning. "The fingers" I kept thinking. "The fingers" The only meanings where if your fingers are chopped off clean then apparently I'll lose wealth (but I don't got any) or I'm trying to tell myself something phallic. Either way it's not looking to healthy. So whats the point of all that noise floating around my head if I can't make out the words?

A Day of Adventure? Or Boredom?

A whole day with dare I say no obligations?!

How can this be? No really how can this be? I had homework that I thought would take me all day but I did it in a couple of minutes (which probably means it's all wrong) and now I'm faced with a full free day?

If I were back home in NYC this would be like a gift from the heavens! I'd watch TV all day and probably never leave the couch but such days don't exist back home. And if they did I'm sure I'd probably find something to do. But here away from everyone and our nice big TV with a million channels I find myself disappointed that I have nowhere to be. But then I think, what the hell is wrong with me? I'm in London! I should go out and see a show at the Globe or take a tour of the British Library or the Portrait Gallery!

Don't just sit and muck about in the dorm room! Or what will have been the point of moving to another country for Grad school!?? Oh wonderful now I've just guilted myself into it. Okay. I accept your challenge Jewish Guilt. Out I go. 'Hello London. Today you're all mine.' I feel like it's our first date! Where will London and I go together? And if it buys me dinner do I put out? Maybe not if it's just fish and chips.

And Their OFF

The good news is I'm not failing. Far from it. The bad news? I have another class to take.

Okay realistically speaking this isn't bad news either. This just means I don't have to come back to London for ten weeks next summer. I can be home in America and get a big people's job to start paying off my loan, while still paying for that years tuition. (Maybe thats the bad news?) I'll just pop in and out of London as I please because I will have finished all my classes this term and can return to NYC (in 2 months) to write my thesis (whatever that will be!) I have a week to figure it out. Then a whole year to get them both done. The research paper and the Script.

The extra class buissness based, which is fine. I mean writing scripts is a business and I should know what's expected of me. (I know the basics but it's good to rehash.)

I found out about the class while in my tutorial yesterday. The powers that be had forgotten I was a full time student (as everyone else is part time) and apologized for my having already missed one of the classes. Actually, it was a good thing I had missed it. They were talking about treatments and since I have a BA in film production I would hope I've covered that already.

So rather than sit in a refresher class last Tuesday night, me and the gals - HR2 and VD - were drinking it up at the Royal Court Theater with our good old pal Joe Penhall. HR2 knew Joe was going to be there that night (like the proper stalker she is) and some how we found ourselves escorted up by the Royal Court Theater staff and offered glasses of free wine. Thinking we had crashed a party we waited politley for an opening so we could say our hellos to Joe - who in turn joined us for a drink. He had lectured us at uni last term (and joined in at the pub where we had a most interesting conversation about how I have no qualms of being a screenwriting sell out. Mostly I was egging him on after he told us he was one of the original writers on King of Scotland but left because of issues with the script and producers. He remembered the convo we had had last term Tues night but not who it was who aid it from our class and the exact exchange. His bringing it up made all VD and HR2 giggle but we never let on it was I who said it. They did an impressive job at keeping a straight face.)

I have to say Joe is a really down to earth guy. He chats openly about the business but never in a discouraging way. He even introduced us to the Literary Manager at the Royal Court, a producer, director and an actor. Referring to us as his students (which technically I guess we are). The Lit manager encouraged us to submit our work and of course HR2 already has hers on the way. This HR has yet to do so. Guess I do need those business classes after all.

It's just strange how these things work out, isn't it? It may have seemed like a mistake that I was not put into the extra Business classes but on the other hand I'd much rather be meeting literary managers and schmoozing with a writer I admire then rehashing an old topic I've covered a few years back. So what's the harm in missing one class?

The Term has only just begun and suddenly I realised I have a lot of deadlines already looming ahead of me. And an internship that should be starting soon. Not to mention my dreaded thesis project which I have yet to conceive - seems to be mocking me off in the distance. Somewhere. I can hear it but I can't see it. If I could see it, well then at least I'd know what the hell to research!

5:30 am and I am dressed and ready for the gym. (It doesn't open until 6:30) Tonight I have a play to see by David Edgar and homework to do in between. The term has officially begun! And already I'm having sleeping problems!

How Hard Can a Jump Across the Pond Be?

So I've made my way over from New York City back to London for another nine weeks of classes.

The flight was delayed for an hour. An hour I should say sitting in the plane - on the runway. Of course I freaked myself out because I got to the plane just in time to board - so I had no pre-drink phase to go through. I sat working my sober mind all up to a near panic attack so that when the plane finally did take off I was so over being scared I just wanted to get up and use the bathroom. In a weird way it kind of worked out. I was fine for the whole flight. That didn't stop me from drinking two small bottles of wine though. (which I regretted greatly when I landed.)

We landed in the middle of nowhere. We had to sit and wait for a bus to come and take us to our terminal. Apparently, there was a bit of an over crowding at Heathrow. So after a few minutes we got on the bus and it took us around in what seemed like a large circle - though it was cool being so small on the runway and seeing just how big the planes really are from the ground - I was in too much pain to care. Also being able to see just where our luggage goes was interesting - in a way. Sorry no small elves and a slave driver's whip. Just your average conveyor belts and machines. Where's the fun in that? I expected an Ogre or two keeping the hands moving. But no. I guess they layed them off coz of fuel prices? I wonder how one would lay off an Ogre? Something tells me they wouldn't take it well. I'd hate to be that HR person, that's for sure. Oh but I digress.

Back in good old terminal 4 I rushed to Customs expecting the usual in and out but oh no. The fact that they had to bus us from the plane should have been a clue of what was in store. We had a line like at Disney. Unfortunately for me I didn't have a VIP pass (IE a wheelchair person with me) So I waited what felt like forever. It was probably an hour. But after having an overnight flight - where I didn't sleep - and had a horrible hangover - I just wasn't in the mood to stand and wait for some one to look at my id and say 'what're you studying?' "Where?" and then 'how long?' followed by 'okay proceed.' Never really hearing my answer. I should have said 'Dark Arts. At Hogwarts.' His response 'What House?" "Uh Slytherin?" "Okay Proceed"

I'm allowed in the country so let me in already! I need pain killers and a toilet - stat! Some British hospitality this is. I stood in that line wanting to faint. It was so hot, I was over tired and my head felt like someone was squeezing it like a juicer. The worst part was the idiot that worked the line took a bunch of people from the back - behind me and moved them to a new line so they were now in front of me and using up the toll people I was waiting for - so in a sense I had to wait longer! How - Oh How does that make any sense? I wanted to climb over the disgruntled brew and ring her stupid little neck - then shove her face in the ground and say "No. Bad. Bad airport worker." But I didn't have a rolled up newspaper to hit her with - so I stood in my spot grinding my teeth watching all those dumb bastards smile and remark at their good fortune.

Out from the line I passed through the toll with no problem. Then I ran to my suitcase which of course was one of five making it's pathetic round on the carousel. I was ancy about it being there because they don't check the tickets to make sure it's your bag. You can just take any bag and go. Seems funny doesn't it? After an hour of waiting to be let into the country they don't seem to care once your there or what happens to your stuff. But let anyone get there hands on my dark magic material and bad things can happen!

If only! All I really had were some clothes and plays in there - and not nice clothes either - just collage wear. Mostly old with stains. One day, people, one day I won't be poor and oh how nice it will be to have big people's clothes - that maybe actually zip up and down - oh no! Wait! No zippers please. Buttons! I'll have big ol' fancy buttons! To put into holes. And you know what? It will be the actual button that came with the shirt! I reckon' I'll look mighty fine in those! Then when I go to them there big cities they'll just up and put me in first class - thinking oh how fine I look and what a mistake they made putting me in coach at the back of the plane. It won't stop there - oh no sir's. They'll take me off that big fancy bird in a carriage run by six men of muscles bulging in nothing but a loin clothe. Then one of them burly gents feeds me grapes as I'm whisked away to my limo - past all the lines and bureaucracy. They'll get some poor soul to stand in for me. Oh my how mighty fine it'll all be. If only I had me some buttons.

Stinky Fish But Yummy Chips

It's that time again when I head back to the motherland to finish what I have started. So you better have some chips and fish waiting for me woman or you'll see the back of me hand!

Class starts Monday night, I can't say I'll be very chipper as I'll have just flown in that morning. The world by now knows I can't sleep on planes. I can get real drunk on them, watch TV and eat but not sleep. So this shall be a loooooooooooooooooooong day for me.

Already I feel spasms of nerves running through me. Some red wine should fix that nice and good. I should feel relaxed because I've finished editing the two music video's for the Band ZANDELLE and got them done on time. But I have yet to write an idea for my thesis and now I've run out of excuses and time. What to write? Maybe I'll make use of my flight time and be productive--- who am I kidding? I'll get drunk and watch some bad kid movie like High School the Musical 2 back for vengeance instead.

Ah well... time to begin the drink. Watch out London baby this yank is on the move!

ps- when i get the okay from the band I'll post a little sneaky peek at the two video's!

A DAY OF Chill-axin

Days off  are nice now and then. Just chill-axin. No work will I do today, that's for sure. I mean that's what Sundays were invented for. Right? 

Since one week remains before classes begin again, I think the less stress the better. Start with a clean slate this term. Although I do have one more music video to edit and an idea for my thesis play and paper to come up with before I leave. Other then that I'm good to go.

I was starting to get ancy this week on vacation. Because I've run out of hours in the day to get it all done. SO many people I wasn't able to get together with, several scenes I wasn't able to write for either of my scripts. (One re-write has taken too long and now the time is conflicting with my new play) But always keep moving forward. 

So now it's just double the load of outside school work to do. Which is fine because time is what I've got - in London. (Not NYC) Which is one of the reasons I am doing my masters in another country. It means I have to do it, all of it - because there are no excuses and no distractions. No 'oh my dog ate my home work.' No she didn't because she's back in another country peeing on the rug. You see? I'm away form everything so if the excuses don't work then the guilt does. 

Oh the guilt, for leaving home for so long. Coz you don't just effect you, you effect others... like GT who has to live all alone while I'm living all alone across the pond. He even lost me as an excuse to get out of annoying situations. Which is one of the best parts of having a significant other - So in turn I better get my masters or I'll never hear the end of it (but even as I write this he's singing so I can't concentrate even on this blog. That's my point - I need to be isolated to get anything done. Which isn't good. My friend CS's boyfriend has full blown conversations with video games while she works at her computer - starting her own business. To her the noise filters out behind her. I wish it did for me. But it doesn't. I don't mean GT -  I mean everyday life surrounds my ears yelling for attention. So away I go. For some reason it works for me to leave it all behind - if only for the 2 months.

But the down side is when I do come home, forget about it. No time to do anything because I'm too busy doing everything. Catching up takes a lot out of you. And yet it still adds on 7 pounds. Coz the way to catch up apparently is to eat, snack or drink. You can't just meet up with a person with out in-taking something. If you can then what the hell are you doing? I wanna know. 

Despite the weight gain and the to do list getting long and longer It was good to come home for a bit and unwind the best i can. So now, if you'll excuse me I have some nothingness to catch up on (by that I mean bad TV) -(did I mention I also have to watch some soap opera's for class? Uh!)

A Theater Whore

Having time to roam the city is nice indeed, I just wish I had the money to see shows (or - that shows were affordable like they are in London.) 

I saw about 3 to 2 shows a week in London, paying only five to ten pounds per show. Here you need 50 to over 100 to see something. (Or 20 bucks for off off off B'way) So instead of waiting in line for the lotto or student rush tickets I just blew one ticket price at my favorite store The Drama Book Shop. I bought eight different plays for the price of one Broadway Show! (That's even with my Dramatists Discount). 

When I think about how much money I've invested into the theater it makes me wonder when will it ever invest in me?I have about 150 plays - round to a price tag and that's like almost 2,00o dollars worth of scripts just sitting on my shelf. You add every show I've ever seen, plus every show I've ever paid to put on as writer, director, or producer - then add the head shots - printing my scripts - postage for script submissions  - classes - 'how to books'  and I'd say the cost of my masters degree is equal to the cost I've already invested into this hullabaloo. That's a huge chunk of change. (I didn't even add in the amount of hours working backstage, on stage, side of the stage - I've put into it as well.) 

The saddest part is I can't stop. More and more will go into it. I doubt very much it will ever come back. I'm not asking for a refund of 100,000 (because I'm sure after ten more years of this it will be about there. If not already.) I'm just asking for steady work. I don't need to be rich, just employed.  Maybe break even at some point? But I'm not picky.

Oh why couldn't I have an addiction that's a bit more profitable - like porn? Is is too late to change over? No. Most move a head. Vacation time is almost up and I have proposals for my thesis to write and Zandelle's new music video's to edit. (So much for spring break)

Honey I'm Home!

I turned in my final portfolio a few hours late today and it's raging with spelling errors and common grammar mistakes, true to Hollie fashion but being on the road and having returned to America's wang after a year's absence my family took up more of my time then I expected. So the final project is not as polished as it should be for some one who gave up everything to move to another country and work towards her masters. (The guilt lives on)

It's nice to be treated to free lodging, entertainment and  many large meals when visiting South Florida but I've gained five pounds in six days on this trip. Meanwhile, everyone gasped at how much weight I lost in London. They all asked me if it felt good to finally be skinny as they order a second round of deserts for me. First of all was I that fat before? Second of all if I was, I will be again if I keep eating with these people. 

I tried my bikini on in Brooklyn before we drove down to America's tip and was very impressed with myself. However, when it came time to going to the beach after a week of South Florida living (eating) and of driving around, not walking everywhere, with very little exercises in between, I felt I had to wear the one piece instead of the two. (It's a bit of an over reaction I know but I'm what all the female magazines target. A healthy woman who becomes convinced she shouldn't show skin unless she resembles a computer generated flawless figure but in the flesh. In retrospect I should have been more concerned with my very white skin than with my rolls of fat. A little rub on tan wouldn't have killed me. Even a spray on would have been something.) 

Now officially out of the South (a little pinker) and into the North GT and I vowed to eat healthy and go back to a regular exercise routine (I write as I sit eating and drinking at my computer while he begins his workout regiment) 

Returning to Brooklyn really did feel like coming home yesterday. After driving along 95 for two days, past several states (and Maryland, which had the most annoying people on the road and in the rest stops. Although they didn't have signs on their doors saying they will serve anyone no matter what their race is like they had in South Carolina. Who must feel so advanced then the rest of the South.)  After making my way through all that Brooklyn felt like heaven. Even fighting with little old ladies and former Italian gangsters in the grocery store this morning made me all weepy eyed for my return home. (My new home that is. This Southern Bell has turned full fledged yank. Sorry Florida, you won't have my democratic vote anymore.)

With only three weeks left before I have to go back over to the land that time forgot, with their funny little accents and aging queens (Elton not Elizabeth) I feel I have to soak up the Brooklyn life style while I can, whatever that means. But I'm sure I'll find out. And so will you.